


Don't Belong

by PixieDust294



Series: 31 Challenge [19]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Background Robert Parrish, Break Up, Gansey tries to fix everything, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Richard Gansey III is a Good Friend, Robert Parrish Is His Own Warning, Ronan Lynch Being an Asshole, Ronan Lynch Has Feelings, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:00:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieDust294/pseuds/PixieDust294
Summary: Trigger warnings:Attempted suicideMurderPast abuseRonan goes to visit Adam and everything goes wrong.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III & Adam Parrish, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III/Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, The Crying Club & Adam Parrish
Series: 31 Challenge [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038938
Comments: 16
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings:   
> Attempted suicide  
> Murder  
> Past abuse
> 
> I'm sorry!   
> This isn't quite like how I imagined this going but I started writing and this is what happened.   
> Please, if you are likely to be affected by any of the trigger warnings, do not read. Stay safe.

Trigger warnings:   
Attempted suicide  
Murder  
Past abuse

Ronan leant against the BMW. Adam was supposed to meet him outside the dorms twenty minutes ago. He had yet to appear. Ronan kicked the tire and threw himself back into the driver’s seat of the car. He debated leaving. He even started the car before sighing and turning the engine off again. Once more Ronan got out of the car. He debated trying to call Adam but for the last three calls, Adam hadn’t picked up. Ronan knew that Adam had gone out for food with his friends, but the meal should have been done hours ago.   
The street was busy but people crossed the road when they caught sight of Ronan’s expression. Ronan checked his watch again. They’d now missed the start of the movie they were supposed to be catching. Five minutes later, Adam and his friends appeared around the corner.   
“Hey, Ronan.” Someone called. Ronan vaguely recognised them but couldn’t remember their name.   
“Ronan!” Adam sang as he made his way to him. He wasn’t walking in a straight line and stumbled as he reached the car. Ronan caught Adam, and the strong smell of alcohol on his breath.   
“He may have had a little too much to drink.” One of Adam’s friends shrugged. A couple of others chuckled. Apparently, Adam wasn’t the only one that had a little too much.   
“Adam doesn’t drink.” Ronan said as Adam clung to him.   
“Are you kidding? Adam can outdrink any of us.” Had all of Adam’s friends always looked like each other?   
“We’ll leave you two to it.” Adam’s friends left. Ronan sighed and put Adam in the car so that they could drive to his hotel. 

Ronan didn’t sleep. Adam passed out the minute his he laid on the king sized bed in the hotel room. Ronan couldn’t get the comment of Adam’s nameless friend, ‘Adam can outdrink any of us.’ Adam would never drink like that. Would he? Ronan suddenly felt as though he knew nothing about the boy laying beside him. He got the same feeling he got when he spent time with Gansey’s family and that he used to get in Aglionby. He didn’t belong. 

Dawn was cracking through and lightening the sky. Ronan made his decision. He slipped out of the bed. On a piece of hotel stationary he left Adam a note, 

Adam, 

I don’t belong here. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.   
I’ll come back for my things before checkout. 

Ronan

Ronan left his belongings and left the hotel room. He walked for hours and finally settled under a tree in a lonely corner of a park. He leant back and closed his eyes. Not to sleep, just tune out the world for a little while.   
“Adam will find you, you know.” A familiar voice said close to him. Ronan opened his eyes to see Fletcher, the only one of Adam’s friends he’d recognise having seen him on so many of their video calls. “You’re not crying, but then again, I don’t think you have the ability to cry.”   
“Adam and I are done.” Ronan said, closing his eyes again.   
“What? Why? Where is Adam? Is he okay?” Ronan glared at Fletcher.   
“What’s with the twenty one fucking questions man? I’m sure Adam will be fine. We just don’t belong together. And why am I telling you any of this? It’s none of your fucking business.” Ronan stood to leave. Fletcher put his hand on Ronan’s arm to stop him leaving. Ronan looked down at it disgusted.   
“You have not seen that boy when he goes for more than twelve hours without talking to you. Are you sure it has to be this? I don’t know if he’ll be able to handle this too.” Fletcher’s words pulled Ronan up quickly.   
“Adam’s always been good at burying himself in schoolwork. What do you mean ‘too?’”   
“You should talk to Adam. I have to go. I hope you sort this out.” Ronan stalked in the opposite direction to Fletcher. He hoped that Adam had left the hotel by now. 

Adam had not left the hotel. He sat in the middle of the bed, tears streaming down his face, staring at Ronan’s note. Ronan wanted more than anything to go to Adam, but he couldn’t help wondering what Fletcher knew that he didn’t and why Adam hadn’t told him. The feeling of not belonging burned in his chest.   
“Do you mean it?” Adam whispered.   
“Yes.” Ronan gathered his bag. “I’ll cover the hotel. You can leave whenever you’re ready.”   
“Marry me.” Adam shouted as Ronan reached the door. Ronan turned slowly. “Don’t go, marry me.”   
“I can’t marry you Adam. You’re destined to go far, and I can’t even leave The Barns for too long before the nightwash comes. I didn’t belong with people like this when we were in Aglionby and I don’t belong now that you’re in Havard.”   
Ronan left. 

The next day was a blur of robotic routine for Ronan. In the evening, Gansey called. Ronan didn’t answer. Two hours later. Gansey was storming through the front door.   
“Ronan Niall Lynch.” He called as he stalked through the house. Ronan was in the office staring out the window at nothing in particular. “Get in the car.” Ronan didn’t move, or acknowledge Gansey’s presence. “Ronan, Adam is in the hospital. Get in the car now or I swear to God I will drag you there myself.”   
“Adam and I aren’t together anymore. I can’t go.” Ronan mumbled.   
“I know you’re not. But you were his friend first and he needs you.” Something in Gansey’s tone woke Ronan from his stupor. Ronan looked up at Gansey. He was paler than Ronan had ever seen him, even when he’d died. His hair was tousled from his hands running through it and he was shaking. Dread filled Ronan.   
“What happened?” He asked, his heart beating quicker   
“He, he tried. Adam, he cut his wrists.” Ronan stared at Gansey in disbelief. “His mom is dead. Robert killed her. It was in the paper this morning. He found out on Saturday. Cops went to his dorm. Fletcher, his roommate, found him in the bathroom this morning.” Gansey could see that Ronan was taking in none of the details. “Ronan.” He shouted to snap him out of his daze. “We need to go now. You don’t have to see him, but I need you there, Ronan.” Gansey’s tone turned pleading. Ronan nodded and stood up from his chair. He followed Gansey out of the house and into The Pig.


	2. Don't Belong Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gansey and Ronan go to see Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited to keep writing this...thank you to those of you that encouraged me to do it, both the ones that commented and the ones that let me know in other ways. I appreciate all your support.  
> There is going to be more. I think I have probably another two or three chapters to go.

Ronan was on autopilot. For the first time in his life, he thought nothing. He was entirely numb. Gansey was driving around bends too fast, throwing himself and Ronan into the windows. He pulled up in an airfield.   
“Ronan, move.” His tone was sharp in its urgency. Ronan came out of himself.   
“What are we doing here?” He asked, not even sure how they’d got there.   
“It’s quicker to fly. I have a rental car waiting for us when we land.” Gansey told him, efficient even in his most panicked state. Ronan followed Gansey to the helicopter waiting on the edge of the runway. He watched as Gansey shook hands with the pilot. The pilot looked over at Ronan, but didn’t offer the handshake or jovial smile he’d given to Gansey. 

The flight took less than an hour. Ronan was no more present when they landed. Gansey wove through the streets in the rental car at a slower pace than he had before. They pulled up to the hospital. Ronan couldn't get Adam's face out of his mind. He’d been heartbroken. Ronan had never seen Adam have that expression. Gansey got out of the car. Ronan got out of the car. Together they walked towards the hospital doors. The automatic doors opened to allow Ronan and Gansey into the hospital. All of a sudden, Ronan’s chest was tight. He wanted to walk into the hospital. He wanted to see Adam, to know he was okay, to tell him that he still loved him, would never stop loving him but something stopped him. It was as though there was an invisible brick wall in front of him stopping him from getting any closer. Gansey had taken a few more steps before he realised that Ronan had stopped. He turned to look at Ronan and saw an expression he hadn’t seen since the days immediately following Niall Lynch’s death. Gansey reached into his pocket and pulled out the keys to the rental car. He put them in Ronan’s hand.   
“Wait for me in the car.” Gansey told him, “I won’t be long.” Ronan looked down at the keys in his hand and turned back to the car. Gansey took a deep breath and stepped across the threshold of the hospital. 

The man behind the reception desk was round and flamboyant.   
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Adam Parrish. I believe he was brought into Emergency this morning.” The receptionist typed Adam’s name into the computer.   
“Are you family?” He asked, eyeing Gansey.   
“His brother,” Gansey lied smoothly. “We’re twins, actually.” The receptionist rolled his beady eyes in a very unsubtle way.   
‘Perhaps the twins line was too much,’ Gansey thought to himself.   
“He’s on the third floor, Thames ward, room 3.”   
Gansey nodded, “Thank you.” 

Adam looked small and fragile. His dirt coloured hair, longer than Gansey had seen it in a long time, swept across his pillow. Gansey blinked back the burning tears in his eyes. One of Adam’s arms was on top of the thin sheet covering his boney body. Adam, sensing that someone was watching him turned his head.   
“Hey,” Adam croaked. Gansey didn’t have it in him to force a smile.  
“Hey yourself.” Gansey replied. He sat in the chair beside Adam’s bed. “We’re twins by the way, did you know?”  
“Separated at birth?” Adam tried to joke. Gansey nodded and found himself laughing a little. He and Adam talked like they usually did but avoided the elephant in the room. A skinny nurse came in to check on Adam.   
“You’ve had a long day, you need your rest.” she told him. Translation: Your friend needs to go.   
“This is my brother, Gansey. He’ll be leaving soon.” said Adam. Gansey struggled to not smirk at Adam going along with his ridiculous lie. The nurse finished adding notes to Adam’s charts and left the room. There was a long silence in the room.   
“Adam,” Gansey began in a whisper. “Why didn’t you call me?” Adam looked down at his white sheets.   
“I don’t know what happened.” Adam’s voice was almost impossible for Gansey to hear.”I just had this urge. It was this feeling that everything would stop hurting, if I just did it. My mom, him, Ronan. I wouldn’t have to miss you and Blue and Opal.” Adam paused as he realised something. “Fuck, I’m probably never going to see Opal again.”   
“Ronan’s here. Well, not here here, but in the car.”Adam didn’t reply. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but,” Gansey paused and sighed. “Actually, I have no idea what I was going to say, because I don’t know. I don’t have the answers for this.”   
“Nobody does apparently.” Adam said. Gansey caught the skinny nurse’s eye, she was pacing outside the door. It was time for him to go. Gansey checked if Adam wanted anything brought to him and other than some fresh clothes, Adam was okay. Gansey and Adam very rarely hugged but when Gansey stood to leave, he gave Adam a bone crushing hug, as though he was trying to force all the pieces of Adam back together. He promised to return the next morning. 

Gansey got back to the car to find Ronan waiting for him as expected. What Gansey hadn’t expected was for Ronan to have a nose bleed and bruising to his left eye.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gansey snarled, all patience gone once he’d shut the driver’s door. “Adam is up there trying to deal with his world crumbling, and you are out here getting into fights. How did you even start a fight in a hospital parking lot?”   
“I didn’t start it.” Ronan defended himself.   
“I thought you didn’t lie.” It was clear that for now the conversation was done. Ronan leaned back in the passenger seat and began chewing his leather bracelets whilst Gansey drove them to a hotel.


	3. Don't Belong Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam is handling things okay.   
> Ronan is handling things horribly.   
> Gansey is desperately clinging on trying to fix everything.   
> Blue is about ready to kick Ronan's ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blue's coming!   
> Also, I no longer know who I feel sorrier for.

Gansey knocked on the door to Adam’s dorm room. Fletcher opened the door. 

“Hey,” Gansey said, “just grabbing Parrish some stuff.” 

“How is he? When are they going to release him? How did you even get in to see him, they wouldn’t let me go in?” Fletcher threw questions at Gansey as he walked to the dresser containing Adam’s things. 

“He’s okay, he’ll get there, at least. I think they want him to speak to someone before they let him go, but I’m going to stick around until they do. Hell, him to come back to Henrietta if I thought he'd say yes.” Gansey did up the bag and headed back to the door. “I’ll let you know how he is when I see him.” 

“Gansey,” Fletcher reached a hand out to him. “Tell Ronan to go home. I know he’s your friend, but he caused this and Adam doesn’t need him around.” Gansey noticed the bruises on Fletcher’s knuckles. He had no black eyes, no evidence of a broken nose, just bruised knuckles. Gansey said nothing as he closed the door behind him. 

Ronan hadn’t lied. Ronan hadn’t fought back. 

Gansey headed straight to Adam’s room, bypassing the pleasantries of the reception desk. Adam was sitting up in bed, textbooks and a notebook spread across the small table and his bed. Gansey couldn’t help but shake his head.

“I think this is enough extenuating circumstances that you can hand in a few assignments late.” He told Adam in a soft voice, still Adam jumped. Gansey took a seat beside him, moving another textbook out of the way. “How’d you get these anyway?” 

“Fletch dropped them at reception earlier, I knew if I asked you to bring them with my clothes, you’d have said no.” Adam mumbled.

“What am I going to do with you?” Gansey was glad that Adam seemed to be slowly coming back to normal. Adam shrugged and began to pile the books at the end of the bed. He cringed when he moved his wrist and it pulled at his bandaged wound. How much had Adam been hiding from them before he got to this point?

“Is Ronan still here?” Adam asked. Gansey paused for a moment, unsure if he should be honest or not. 

“Yes, I left him at the hotel.”

“I want to see him.” Adam’s eyes were bright with determination. 

“Adam, I don’t know. Are you sure that it’s a good idea? Don’t you think you should let things settle down first?” Adam opened his mouth to respond but Gansey held a hand up, stopping him. “I love you and I love Ronan, you’re my best friends but you know how he gets. I don’t know why he did it, he bites my head off every time I ask, but I need you to be okay. I need you here and if he is going to be detrimental to your health, I don’t think he should be around you.” Gansey felt like he was picking his favourite out of his children. 

“Pass me my jeans, they’re in that cabinet.” Adam pointed at the cabinet behind Gansey’s chair. They were in a plastic bag with a vest, stiff with Adam’s blood. Gansey’s stomach clenched. He should remove them from the hospital so that Adam didn’t have to deal with it. Adam pulled out a piece of hotel paper from the pocket of his jeans. It was Ronan’s note. He handed it to Gansey and watched, feeling ashamed as his friend read the note that tore his heart to pieces. “I screwed up. I knew it would happen eventually but I made him feel like he didn’t belong, I kept things from him and lied to him. He had every right to be mad at me. Please, ask him to come?” Adam and Gansey were interrupted by an orderly bringing trays of sour smelling food. 

“You’ll have to leave while the patients eat.” He told Gansey. 

Gansey nodded and shoved the bloodstained jeans back into the bag. “If it’s what you really want, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll be back later. Enjoy your,” Gansey paused, “Chicken?” He made a mental note to bring Adam snacks that afternoon. 

“I have an appointment with some mental health specialist at two, shouldn’t take too long.” Adam told him as he was leaving the room. 

“Be honest with them. I’ll see you later.” 

Gansey heard Ronan before he saw him. No one else would be singing Irish Sea Shanties at lunch time on a Tuesday. Gansey made his way to the bar of the hotel and sure enough, Ronan was propping himself up on the bar singing as loud as he could, much to the enjoyment of the bartender. The bruises across Ronan’s face had darkened and in his black jeans and leather jacket he could have looked dangerous; if he wasn’t singing. 

“Dick!” Ronan called loudly as he saw Gansey. “Bar keep, pour another for my dear friend, Dick Gansey the third!” Ronan raised his whiskey glass.

“No, I don’t need one. Jesus, how many did you have?” Gansey was frowning. 

“Don’t be like that. Join in the fun, Hey, did you know I was poisonous?” Ronan’s volume had not decreased. How had the bartender let him get this drunk? Did they not have rules for this? Gansey took the glass out of Ronan’s hand without the struggle he’d been expecting. 

“Come on, let’s go upstairs.” 

“Always knew you wanted to take me to bed, Gansey. Don’t worry, I won’t breathe a word of it to Maggot. What’s in the bag?” Ronan asked, hardly pausing for a breath. Gansey didn’t answer, just placed a hand on Ronan’s back in a similar fashion to Ronan’s actions with Adam a few days before. 

In the hotel room, Gansey directed Ronan to the bed he’d slept on the night before. Ronan mumbled about not being tired but it wasn’t long before his eyelids fluttered closed. Gansey sat with him for a while. His brain felt electric with worry about his friends. Adam would begin to believe he was unlovable again, Ronan seemed to be going back down his destructive path and here he was in the middle of the two of them, clinging desperately to normality. His phone vibrated in his pocket. Blue was calling. He took one more look at Ronan and left the room. 

“Hey you,” he couldn’t help the smile on his face as he heard her voice. She asked about Adam and Ronan. Gansey told her all he could. 

“Wait,” Blue interrupted. “So, Fletcher had bruised knuckles, Ronan had a black eye and a nose bleed but no bruised knuckles? I have never known Ronan to not fight back. Have you spoken to him about it?” 

“No,” Gansey replied, suddenly feeling exhausted, “I called him a liar when he told me he didn’t start it. I didn’t listen. Everything is so messed up.” 

“I know.” There was a second’s pause, “Where are the keys to your Jeep?” Blue asked. 

“On the key rack, why?” 

“You need someone there too, and Ronan is clearly not in the position to support you right now. He needs someone to kick his ass, Adam could do with it too.” Gansey tried to talk Blue out of driving up to Harvard to be with them too but it was no use. She had already made the decision and she was right, he needed her.


	4. Don't Belong Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue arrives in Boston

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you're going to like this one. 
> 
> It's a little shorter than I planned for this chapter because I had some other stuff going on tonight when I should have been writing

Ronan woke up with the worst headache he had ever experienced. Gansey was reading on the other bed in the room. The events earlier in the day came back to Ronan. He groaned and, rolled over to reach for a bottle of water on the bedside table. Gansey made a note of his page and closed the book.   
“How are you feeling?” he asked as he watched Ronan chug the bottle of water.   
“Like shit.” Ronan grimaced. Gansey handed him two painkillers. He swallowed them dry.   
“Maybe I shouldn’t have brought you,” Gansey wondered aloud.   
“No, I want to be here.” Gansey raised his eyebrows at Ronan, doubting him. “I do.” Ronan insisted. Gansey couldn’t help staring at Ronan’s bruised face. He couldn’t find the right words to apologise. An alarm went off on his phone. “I have to head back to the hospital.”  
“Can you ask if he’ll see me? I want to apologise, but if he doesn’t want to see me, I get it.”  
“Sure, I’ll see how he’s doing. And hey, no more drinking today, okay?” Ronan agreed to behave whilst Gansey was gone. 

At one am, Ronan and Gansey were woken by knocking on their hotel room door. Exhausted, Gansey stumbled to the door. Blue waited in the corridor, equally tired. As soon as Gansey saw her, he enveloped her in a hug.   
“Missed you,” he mumbled into her hair.  
“You sap.” she quipped back.”Let me in, I’m tired.” Ronan had turned to see what the fuss was about and turned back over. He slipped his headphones on and closed his eyes, pretending that getting back to sleep was a possibility for him. Gansey pulled Blue’s rucksack off her back and placed it on the floor. She kicked her shoes off and crawled into the bed, not bothering to change. They discussed a game plan before Blue was yawning too much to form coherent sentences.

In the morning, Gansey, Blue and Ronan went for breakfast together before Gansey headed to the hospital.   
“Come for a walk with me?” Blue asked Ronan, he huffed like a spoiled child.   
“Why?”  
“Because you know your way around and nature is one of only a handful of things that we both like.” Ronan couldn’t fault Blue’s answer. He led the way to the Arnold Arboretum. Blue kept the conversation light whilst they were walking, only turning the subject to Adam and the weeks’ events on the way back to the hotel where they were meeting Gansey for lunch.   
“Why didn’t you fight back?” Blue asked.   
“I deserved it.” was Ronan’s simple answer. Blue swore.   
“No, you didn’t. You didn’t make Adam do this. He was having a tough time, it shouldn’t have come to this but you know, now he can get the help that he needs.”  
Ronan stopped short. “Are you telling me that you knew that he was struggling?”   
“He didn’t want you to worry.” Blue said, trying to defend herself and calm Ronan. “He made me promise that I wouldn’t say a word to you.”   
“And look what that did.” Ronan snapped.   
“Adam needs you, Ronan. Stop trying to blame everyone else and deal with the problem. You regret breaking up with him, don’t you? If you still love him, tell him that. Wallowing never did anyone any good.” Blue walked away leaving Ronan to think about her words.   
Ronan never made it to lunch. He’d overheard Gansey telling Blue which ward Adam was on. He made his way to the hospital and ignored his phone every time it rang. It didn’t take long for Gansey and Blue to give up calling. Ronan’s heart felt like it was going to leave his chest as he followed the signs for the Thames ward. He found Adam’s name on the whiteboard outside the room and took a deep breath to steady himself before he entered. The curtains were drawn around what Ronan assumed as Adam’s bed.   
“Parrish?” He said in a low voice.   
“Ro?” Adam replied, his voice high in surprise.  
“Can I come in?” Ronan’s hand shook as he reached for the curtain.   
“Yes,” Adam whispered.   
Ronan slowly drew back one of the curtains. Adam sat cross-legged on the bed, leaning over a textbook. Ronan’s eyes drifted over him, settling on the bandages on his wrists.   
“At least we match now,” he smirked. “I should have brought you some bracelets.”


	5. Don't Belong Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan visits Adam and it is awkward as hell, until Blue shows up to kick him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Self harm  
> Alcohol consumption  
> Domestic Violence   
> Suicide Attempts
> 
> Please stay safe and if you are likely to be affected by any of the trigger warnings, do not read.

Adam smiled up at Ronan who stood awkwardly by the bed. He’d really thought nothing passed his matching bracelets line.  
“You can sit, you know.” Adam gestured to the chair beside the bed. Ronan glanced at the door and rubbed his hand across the back of his shaved head. “Gansey told you I wanted to see you?”   
Ronan frowned, “Gansey and I, well, our conversations haven’t been very long recently,” he confessed. “But you wanted to see me?”   
“I always want to see you.” Adam confessed without thinking. His words caught up with him and he flushed bright red, His colour enhanced by his white surroundings. Ronan couldn’t help but smile in response. “Why are you and Gansey not talking?” Adam frowned, trying to change the subject.   
“I got a little bit drunk the other day. He wasn’t very happy about it. He called Blue and sent us out on a walk this morning so she could chew me out. I’m meant to be at lunch with them right now.”   
“Blue’s here too?” Adam perked up at this news.   
“No doubt she’ll be here soon.” Ronan mumbled. Adam winced slightly, and placed his a hand on his wrist. “Does it hurt?”   
Adam shrugged, “itches more than hurts, I guess.” Ronan sighed and finally took the seat beside the bed. He and Adam sat in silence, both churning over what they wanted to tell the other in their own heads. 

When Ronan never showed for lunch, Blue and Gansey assumed he was sulking. Blue was determined to let him sulk. Gansey was excited to spend time alone with Blue, but also had a plan to look for him whilst Blue visited Adam. Blue and Gansey went to an Indian restaurant for lunch.   
“I missed you,” Gansey confessed once they’d ordered their food and drinks. Blue smirked at him.  
“You were only gone a few days!” She rolled her eyes at him. “Gosh, I wish I’d known you were so clingy, I’d have stuck with Adam.”   
“Take that back, or I’ll make you pay for lunch.”   
“Gladly.” Blue smirked as the waiter arrived with their drinks. Blue took a sip of hers as Gansey laughed at her. Their lunch was relaxed. It was the perfect haven that Gansey needed in between dealing with Ronan and the perfect reward for Blue after her spat with Ronan. It allowed her to breathe before she went to Adam. 

Gansey insisted on walking with Blue to the hospital doors. As she turned to enter through the doors, he tugged at her hand and pulled her into a kiss. Blue rolled her eyes but her cheeks flushed.   
“Go find Ronan, make sure he’s not destroying anything too expensive.” She told him as she pulled away again and entered the hospital doors. Blue strolled passed the vacant reception desk and headed to Adam’s room, following the directions Gansey had given her at lunch.   
Ronan and Adam still sat in silence as Blue pulled back the curtain.   
“Surpri- oh.” She took in Ronan’s glare and Adam’s look of shock. Adam’s face slowly turned to a grin. “Ronan, Gansey’s looking for you and I want to talk to Adam in private anyway.”   
“You can’t kick me out.” Ronan grumbled.   
“I won’t have to, I’ll just tell someone you’re not family.” Blue retorted.   
“Neither are you.”   
“What do you mean?” Blue asked innocently, “Adam’s my brother.”   
Adam made a face. “Um, actually, Gansey already used that one, he said we were twins. That would make your boyfriend your brother too.” Blue pouted. “It’s okay, Ronan. Will you come back later?” Ronan nodded and stood up, he almost bent down to kiss Adam goodbye before remembering that they were broken up and he could no longer do that.  
Blue waited until Ronan left the room before she threw herself into the chair.  
“What the fuck, Parrish?” Adam opened his mouth to defend himself but Blue held up her hand to silence him, and because it was Blue, he was quiet. “No call, no text, not even a hint that things were this bad. How much shit do we have to go through for you to tell us you need help? Did you think about me? Gansey? What do you need? And don’t even think of bullshitting me. We are here, all of us. You are not a burden, you are not a chore. We love you and we are going to care for you, God help me if it’s the last thing we do.” For a second, Adam said nothing as Blue stared at him expectantly.   
The honesty came through, first as a drip, then a flood. Adam told Blue how he’d started drinking with some of They Crying Club on nights out. It made him feel good, made him forget things and made him sleep. It didn’t matter that he’d have a hangover the next day, it was a minor consequence. He missed Ronan, they spoke every day but it wasn’t the same to him, over summers and holidays, he’d gotten used to waking up in Ronan’s arms every morning and their life at The Barns, he felt lost without it. A few weeks ago, Adam’s mother had shown up. She’d caught the train and was waiting for him outside class one Wednesday. One of Adam’s friends had seen her. It hadn’t taken long for Robert to show up and convince her to go home with him. He spat at Adam as he turned to leave. That was the last time Adam had seen his Mother alive Then the police had gone to Adam’s dorm and everyone knew by now, how much he had lied about his family. He caught a few of them giving him the same pitying looks the school nurse at Aglionby gave, the same looks the admin office gave him when his tuition fees were paid at the very last minute. Adam knew drinking would help him forget so he went out for dinner with The Crying Club and got drunk, forgetting in all the chaos inside his mind, that Ronan was coming for a visit. When he woke up in the hotel room, Ronan was gone and Adam had found his note. His heart fell through his stomach, making him even more nauseous than he was before. Ronan hadn’t even listened to Adam’s fight for him. He knew that it was coming, he’d seen the glares he’d given The Crying Club. He knew they didn’t particularly like Ronan and did not see the appeal he held for Adam and sure, Adam had been late to meet him a few times, he hadn’t realised it was a problem. Adam watched Ronan leave the hotel out of the window. He’d stopped by the liquor store on the way back to his dorm. Adam had been telling the truth when he said he didn’t remember cutting himself. At that point, he was so drunk, it was all a blur.   
“I don’t want to die.” Adam promised Blue. “If I hadn’t been drinking, I never would have done it, I know that’s a terrible excuse but it’s true. I know how much losing Noah hurt us, and even though it was for such a short time, I remember what happened with Gansey. I don’t want to do it.” Blue was convinced. She leant forward and took Adam’s hand.   
“You might want to tell Fletcher that it wasn’t Ronan’s fault.” She offered, Adam frowned at her and she explained Ronan’s bruises.   
“When you go, if you see Ronan, can you tell him to come back?” Adam asked, “I want to apologise for my part in our break up, and fight for him. I’m not ready to lose him.”   
“You’re not losing anyone.” Ronan’s gruff voice came from the other side of the curtain. He swept it open, revealing himself and Gansey. Gansey immediately went to Blue’s side, whilst Ronan perched on the bottom of Adam’s bed. Adam had paled.   
“How much did you hear?” He asked.   
“Just the very last bit, Blue telling you about your asshole room…” Ronan was interrupted by an orderly bunding into the room.   
“There are far too many visitors here, do you see that sign, it says two visitors to a bed.” They babbled, frustrated. Adam smirked.  
“I apologise.” Gansey jumped in before Ronan could come up with some rude remark. “The two of us will leave,” he took Blue’s hand, “Parrish, we’ll be back later.” Blue stood up to follow Gansey out of the room. The orderly glared after them.   
“Keep the noise down.” They barked at Adam and Ronan who lost it and dissolved into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end. 
> 
> I struggled a little with this chapter - I don't think I was quite ready for it to be over, but I have another project that I want to work on and want to dedicate time to. I am still going to be posting short things on here though!


End file.
